Saturday, February 07, 2009

Idiocy Redux

Remember Ken Starr, the right-wing nut job “special persecutor” who sought to destroy Bill Clinton for getting a blowjob in the Oval Office? The same man who made a pro bono petition to the US Supreme Court on behalf of the Juneau [Alaska] School District, which wanted to punish a high school student who waved a banner promoting “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” that the school didn’t like, even though the kid wasn’t on school property? (FYI, the Court ruled in favor of the school district 6-to-3.)

Well, America’s greatest Puritanical Defender is again fighting his one-moron battle against any pleasure he can’t get his clammy, repressed hands on. This time, his targets are 18,000 same-sex couples who were married in California before Proposition 8 made gay marriage illegal once more. Starr is working with the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund and is again bringing his case to The Supremes, who will hear his arguments on March 5th and render their decision within three months. And surely, there is nothing more important for the Court to do than forcibly divorce 18,000 couples and destroy their families, because it disapproves of their lifestyle.

A group called the Courage Campaign has produced a very touching music video that I hope you’ll watch, and circulating a protest letter that I hope you’ll sign. But equally important, whether you’re straight or gay, married or single, I hope this ghoulish situation will make you mad as hell and inspire you to contribute some effort and whatever resources you can spare to support the country’s LGBT population in a manner best suited to your time and talents.

It’s not that gay rights or the legality of gay marriage are more important than fixing the economy or creating comprehensive, universal health care. It’s that gay rights are human rights, and if they’re denied, then all our national talk about freedom, democracy, privacy, and the pursuit of happiness amounts to complete bullshit. How can we allow an entire population to be persecuted because of how they express the sexual orientation they were born with? More to the point, why would we want to?

What I find so particularly galling is that history has revealed, time and again, that the very fundamentalist preachers and conservative politicians who most vehemently object to gay rights turn out to be the ones screwing same-sex strangers in public toilets. I think screwing strangers in public toilets is distasteful – but so long as nobody’s trying to screw me in a public toilet, or preventing my access to a public potty when I need one, I don’t care. It’s none of my business and I don’t care!

I say this: if you object to homosexuality, then don’t engage in homosexual behavior. But I’ve long believed that these people who express moral outrage about gay marriage are lying to themselves and to us. What they really object to, what they really fear, is that a social environment which condones homosexuality will say to their own gay children that it’s okay to be gay and they need not condemn themselves to lives of secrets and shame! That’s sick, and sad, and wrong.

And what I’d like to know is: what sick, sad secrets is Ken Starr hiding that motivates him to consistently and literally make a public federal case out of private behavior? Personally, I think he’s screwing squirrels slathered in chocolate with Connie Francis records playing in the background. But hey – if it’s okay with the squirrels, it ain’t no never-mind to me.

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